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You Are A Worthless Disposable Junk
Person
© 2000 Harlan L. Jacobsen
- How You Accepted That Idea
One of the common problems I see and continue to
hear from newly divorced, over and over is:
the person left has often been sold
on the idea, by the leaver,
that they are worthless,
defective and just do not measure
up.
Completely "incompetent and
worthless". A total
failure as a person and as a mate, or
qualifying to ever again be a potential
mate.
Right now, their self confidence is a minus two on a
scale of one to ten.
Many say they were scared to death their spouse might leave and they tried very hard to
please, appease and do what ever necessary to keep their spouse from
splitting but somehow they were just "not
good enough" or maybe they feel they just did not "try hard
enough".
To understand what goes on
here with many in these similar separations or splits or whatever
name you want to give it.
Let us just say you were the spouse that decides
after 20 years that the relationship is dead and you
want out.
It matters not why, that you want another chance to build a life with
someone, maybe anyone else...cause this is boring etc, etc.
You just know you have to get out of this
relationship no matter what.
Once one person in a marriage make that decision, (unknown to
you) there is almost nothing
the other spouse can do.
You as the leaver here, can't just suddenly leave, you have to do the
right thing, you say to yourself.
So what do you do?
You start gathering evidence
that your spouse is no good, doesn't measure up, very imperfect,
No matter how the other person, try or whatever they do to
really be a good mate, it is not noticed and it is like it is
nothing.
You have decided to leave and you are here on out
only keeping track of their short comings.
Part of this procedure is you have to tell them
constantly all of their short comings you have been able to come up with
that "proves they are no good for you, they are making
you unhappy,
that they just can not hack it etc.
As I said, no matter how hard they
try, it does not make any difference how wonderful they are
doing things for you etc.
You will not even notice....
but you do keep track......
of every little thing you can find that they are
defective and you keep telling them they are defective.
Then when you get them sold on the idea they are defective...then
it is okay, they agree with you they are defective, so now you can leave.
We turned this around with you as the leaver here
so you can understand this is a common thing, why they do it and the
result.
When the leaver finally has completed the job of convincing the
mate and they finally do leave, the leavee (that's the one that is
left) is a person who has lost all self confidence, with destroyed
ability to believe that they will ever be able to be in a great mate
relationship ever again.
The leaver is off to bigger and better
with complete self confidence intact and pretty well adjusted to
the split, after all they have known about and likely been mentally
divorced for at least 6 months and they are well adjusted to the idea and even the
process.
Many (left people) have told me, that when they finally figured out they were
not the "junk worthless discarded person" as they had been told
they were and sold on and led to believe they were, that their life changed overnight.
However long it takes for you to
"realize" you are indeed an "attractive, okay, wanted valued desirable person," you can almost say that is how long it will
take you to recover from your divorce.
It will speed the process if you can understand how you got
that "no good person" idea pounded into your head, over a period
of time, and why it was done as a part of the "I am
leaving you" process.
It was them saying I am okay, this is all because of "your
shortcomings" sales pitch, that you finally accepted (believed,
programmed etc) that concept so they finally could give themselves
permission to leave.
We will need to "unprogram" this baloney (garbage) input
that you have accepted and downloaded, just remember the computer
term "GIGO" because this applies to
you...(means garbage input = "garbage (result) out.)
You obviously have been getting garbage results in your present
situation.
End
Regaining Self
Confidence After Divorce Requires Some Unprogramming
effort
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