Feedback For Singles

(c) 2000 Harlan L. Jacobsen

Give Feedback Freely

According to the dictionary, feedback is the transfer of part of the output back to the input. In a giant milling machine, for example, the measuring devices at the output keep taking readings and feeding information back to the machine to make corrections. In the man-woman relationship feedback is necessary to keep the relationship on an even keel and proceeding smoothly and without strain.

Some singles do not give feedback freely and some do not interpret it sometimes the way it was meant to be.
If you ask a woman for her phone number, you say, "I would like to have your home phone number." If she replies, "terrific".. that's feedback... you KNOW she is interested in getting acquainted with you too.
If she says "I don't have a telephone" that is feedback too. She is saying I am not convinced you're my type, so don't bother calling me.

Some people do not know how to interpret feedback and you have to be more blunt. You can give them direct feedback without hurting their feelings if you handle it correctly.

If you're a woman that gets phone calls from someone that is really wasting his time and yours, if you keep the conversation short and not hold up your end of the conversation, he should get the feedback that you're not very enthused about his calling.
If you ask questions about him and are interested in what he is doing, etc., you are giving him feedback that you are interested.

If he fails to interpret your feedback correctly when you are short with him, then you have to say something like,

"Tom, you are a very nice fellow and all that but somehow I feel that our chemistry just isn't right." In the interest of saving your time and mine, it would probably be best if you didn't call me any more."
If you would like someone to call again, you can let them know that by giving them little clues, or if you want to make sure they know you want to hear from them again you say, "it was nice talking to you and call again whenever you get a minute."

If you're at a dance and some one asks if they can sit with you you say, "Yes" or "No.."
probably.., if you're really not interested in their monopolizing you for a good part of the evening best say, "Okay but just for a minute"... if you're not interested at all, why not give them some feedback to save them and you both some time wasted.

Like if he says can I sit with you?...say, "Well, I'd rather you didn't because then no one asks me to dance and I am here to meet people and have fun, okay?"
If you have not found a way to give them feedback as to whether you are interested in getting acquainted with them or not how are they to know?
The younger set normally does not beat around the bush, not being blessed with the ability of non-verbal feedback they say, "get lost Mac...".
There is a lot of communication that goes on between singles that is not verbal and lets the other know where they are with the other person.
- If you see someone across the room and they hold your eyes for a minute they are probably saying I am interested in you. If you sit with someone, and they pay little attention to you and are looking all around the room, the feedback you are getting is "I am not really interested in you."
- If you're on a date and you hold her hand, and let it go later on you're not and she resumes hand holding, this is feedback and
  you can safely proceed to the next step of intimacy.
In touch or other relationship development, you should not advance the relationship until they give you some feedback. If you are interested in things about them, and they don't ask or seem interested in anything about you, then you best hold up the proceedings until they show some interest some way....

Learn to communicate and give feedback if you want a relationship with the right person to develop smoothly and rapidly without all the wasted time, so learn to give feedback freely.
- You're not being a saint by saving their feelings but wasting their time.