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Divorce Recovery Newsletter #69, 06/05/06

DO YOUR FRIENDS FEEL SORRY FOR YOU AND YOUR DIVORCE?

Well, many of your married friends do not know how to handle it.....

Do they call and say (some do) "sorry to hear about your getting a divorce".

Many of your married friends handle it like you handle a friend that is dying...you should go see them but you just don't know how to handle it so you just keep putting it off.... and then before you know it,......it is too late.

or .....

Many of your married friends feel what you have may be catching so if they do not deal with it maybe it will just go away...

You feel these married friends now ignoring you are like rats deserting a sinking ship....who needs em...

People that desert you just at the time of the greatest need in your life to have friends, these could not have been true friends you think... so the married friends literally evaporate.

Nobody seems to really care that you are devastated... Not even your ex. You try over and over to impress them how badly they hurt you....

Not impressed .....just keep right on doing their new thing....

They just did not leave right.... Life is not fair....and splitting up is never fair....

Nobody ever leaves a marriage right....they have no experience and did not buy the "leave right" book.

Nobody including your ex...comes out of a divorce emotionally scott free... and none ever do leave right...so do not expect yours should have, they did not know how...if there is a right way to leave.

but this is not a contest..over who is or turns out to be the most miserable....

Once in a blue moon, you hear from a friend that says... glad to hear about your divorce. You should have gotten out of that marriage years ago...

That is pretty rare.... and then you go to one of my classes and this guy is cold hearted non compassionate...

he says.... I assume you have completed your two allotted days to be really miserable, that is why you came to the class. Life is too short to waste any more time on it, then that....

If you have not...go home...spend a day digging out all your love letters, the wedding pictures...everything... stop taking your tranquilizers...

Now get ready for the most miserable day of your life. take the phone off the hook....don't answer the door.... go thru all this stuff...all day long...do nothing else, get into being really really angry and miserable...why me... cry, beat the wall, proclaim life is just not fair..etc.

do the whole thing..... don't miss any little detail you are angry or crushed about...

Get it over with..... about four in the afternoon...you will say to hell with this...

this is not getting me anywhere.... I am done with this being miserable business..

That is the day.....your "GRADUATE" from your starter marriage.

You shut the door to what was...

and for the first time you can move on to the bigger and better.....

and you open a new door to the... Wow Nows and........ the Great Gonna Be's.........

Your problem is you have been dribbling out the miserables.... You have been just a little miserable and angry about your divorce for a long time.....

The solution..... take a day off and really get into it...

have..... THE MOST MISERABLE DAY OF YOUR LIFE.....

and .... get it over with.

What I was really searching for was a way to help others work thru your divorce in a short time.. I noticed that some people that were in my classes did it in a short time, that actually had a really devastating situation, and others that had a rather unemotional come a part situation took up to two years to get back to anything like a normal life.

Noticed that those on tranquilizers, a prescription that their doctor used to "fix" their divorce and get them out his office in 15 minutes... (doctors never try to cure any illness, they just treat symptoms...)

I noticed early on......... that those on tranquilizers seemed to not progress thru the recovery process...they seemed frozen in the, "well, I can tolerate it stage."

After observing this sort of thing I figured out there were two ways...be a little angry and miserable for a long time...or be really miserable and get it over with.

Ready to move on....

The other part of this formula that worked...is you think you have to completely process what has happened to you in your big processor... If you have it tied up processing over and over this no solution...(what went wrong problem) where there is no answer, you can not handle life....

Your processor is overwhelmed with an insolvable, problem it runs literally night and day and is getting nowhere and your life is not workable in the meantime.

Give up.....you are processing a worthless no answer problem...if you were a genius... you can not solve this problem...

GIVE UP...on the what wases.......that does not matter... even if you could solve it the solution is of no consequence anyway..

You are never going to go thru that part of your life again... done with ..history...waste of time rehashing...you can not learn a thing...the next chapter is entirely different....

You need 100% of your mental processor time to analyze and research, find your options and chose wisely, and clarify what decisions...you need to make immediately to have Wow Nows and for Great Gonna Bes.

Do not waste another minute analyzing the "What wases."

By the way....

Congratulations on successfully "graduating" from your "starter" marriage and moving on to a bigger and better life.

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Divorce Recovery Newsletter #67, 02/13/06

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The Financial Pain Of Divorce

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Very often low finances were part of the problem in marital discord before it even got to divorce. Now with divorce in the picture we are potentially pouring gasoline on the financial flames.

Divorce can be the biggest financial disaster of your lifetime with neither spouse being a "winner", but both part of a financial catastrophe.

One of the reasons is one party or the other feels "betrayed" by some romance gone astray etc and will never trust them again on anything even though they are now trying to do the right thing in this coming apart process.

Or worse yet is trying to seek revenge by "taking everything they have" etc. This winds up with the revenge person shooting themselves in the foot so to speak. 

What happens often is the finances were not covering a one home situation adequately (quite often) and suddenly it is being expanded to support a two home situation. Needless to say there is going to have be some lowering of standard of living and it is always the other person that needs to lower it, not you.

This standard of living lowering is going to bring on some bitterness.

This is the overall atmosphere that brings us to "settling" your divorce. 

Actually, judges and attorneys are basically lazy... They would just as soon you settle it and just bring in what you have agreed on and have them look it over as sounding fair to both parties, sign it...and get you out of their hair, no hassle.

With the previous animosity hanging out there that is not likely or easy. 

However, if you get educated on the subject and not have all these wild ideas and misconceptions about the process ( and get your STBX to do so, we are half way there. (that stands for Soon To Be Ex-spouse in case your not yet on to divorce lingo)

We have written a lot on the subject and suggest you read every bit of it. 

What you do here at this point in your divorce can affect your life for years. Some want out so bad, they will agree to anything, just get this divorce over with. 

They regret that hasty decision or statement for years. Others are so afraid they are being taken advantage of they will agree to nothing reasonable or fair.

So we want to avoid those two extremes. This is why the more you understand the coming apart industry...( it is one ) the better off you will be.

If worse comes to worse here is a site I ran into that has a divider upper program that may work so keep that list printed out as one of your tools to help settle your divorce. (a copy for the STBX might be good too.) http://www.divorcehelp.com/shortcourse/C56.html

Now our site has a lot of articles on the divorce coming a part process and you might start here to review your options.

The divorce process itself does not do you as much emotional damage as the fear of what's around the corner you may get blind sided with that causes much of the emotional stress. Therefore by being fully aware of the process your fears are sort of done away with. 

http://divorcerecovery101.com/starve_lawyers.htm

We have at the bottom of each of our articles links to many more so you can go on down the list. We have a whole series and you can start with..... Legal Answers Not Always Solutions, Arithmetic Often Beats Legal Answers 
An article by an esteemed Guest Author, Anne Kass, - a retired District Judge of Albuquerque, New Mexico http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/kass33.html She has written many articles and we have posted her whole series and we consider them solid background for getting you up to speed in understanding the divorce industry operational system.

Should you date before your divorce is final? that's a question...read here http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/legal_hazards.html

The biggest point in your dating before the divorce is final, is sometimes this sets off an explosive hostility in getting your ex to agree to anything that has to do with moving the divorce along.

Other then that...personally I would say full speed ahead, but do read the article.

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Now we discovered in my classes on divorce that most either gained a lot of weight as a result of their divorce or some lost weight. 

I lost weight...in my splits...but I have not had a divorce or relationship break up for so long now I had gained 60 pounds. Also I got old... a very poor combination.

To make a long story short as a result was diagnosed with severe diabetes. Cut my life expectancy to six years over night.

Well as you know I did a crash program on learning how to recover from divorce and this one was even speedier. I have gone thru more information on the subject then almost anybody has done in a life time in the last 9 months. 

Just started on my 59th book and of course with the internet, reviewed hundreds of studies, opinions, advice etc.

Diabetes is supposedly "incurable". However my brother had it for five years including insulin injections and completely recovered and has no detectable signs of ever having had diabetes.

Anything my big brother could do I learned to do bigger and better so if he can do it so can i....Only thing is I have not figured out how yet for sure....

Progress so far...went off all medications in 45 days into...it ..controlling it with diet, exercise and food supplements. Lost 54 pounds and have only ten more to lose.

So if you are obese then you should read some of what I found out about that and what works. My diabetes web site is http://www.diabetescure101.com/ and also have a newspaper (costs for that one ) on the subject. If you have diabetes or have any love ones that are obese or have diabetes please have them take a look. We are hot after anything that works to eliminate our diabetes.

There are likely many of you that have weight problems (and divorce aggravated it) and will one day sort that out but the understanding that process is written up in the diabetes site because a big part of your getting diabetes is the extra fat around your waist and the cure is in part by getting rid of every bit of it.

Clue...men should have a waist under 42, and women under 35... above that and you are on the road to permanent diabetes that can and will kill you. 

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Hang in there...it is a lot easier when you have a road map. We are working on your road map every day. Remember and send this to any friend that is getting divorced (or has diabetes). Suggest they subscribe to this newsletter. It is free.

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Join others in the divorce process in our chat board, post room "Talk It Out Therapy" is open 24/7. Use as needed. No appointment necessary, No waiting, No cost. http://www.singlestalkshop.com

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Divorce Recovery Newsletter #66, 12/29/05

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     How I Got Into This Broke an arm skiing when I was a kid and remember that was the most painful thing I ever had happen to me.... Could not sleep etc it hurt so much....and this was after the Doctor did everything he was supposed to be able to do.

    Years later I got divorced and I thought...holy cow....this is worse then breaking your arm. The pain was unbearable. Lots of people learning how to fix...broken arms and the pain.... but no one knew how to fix divorce pain....

You just had to get thru it on your own. There was not even anyone around that knew anything about it to tell you how long it was going to be before the pain went away... was it always going to be like this?

You do not have to break an arm to learn how to fix a broken arm.

To help fix a broken heart from divorce, it does help to know what you are going thru. When you tell me about what you are going thru I understand it, because I have been there done that.

Everything I have learned about what works in 32 years in helping you get thru divorce is pretty well written down and I know it is hard to absorb it off the printed page when you are in this stage.

We have about 100 articles yet to post on the web...but hopefully you can pick up some help from what we have up.....read a little every day. http://www.divorcerecovery101.com

Yes it is important, I really hope you can find a divorce recovery support group somewhere in your area. Inquire at one of your larger churches...(any brand, do not be particular about this) and if they do not have one maybe they know of one they can refer you to.... also try divorce counselors secretary, call and say do you know of any divorce groups in this area etc.? Also call the research dept at your local library and ask if they can find you the nearest one. If a long ways a way...go anyway. Someone there will likely know of one closer to your home, but you have to start somewhere.

By now most of you know.....divorce is a roller coaster of feelings, one day you are feeling higher then a kite, you are out of what was a mess and not working and the next day you are depressed or maybe I should say the next hour you are depressed, you long for what was....On this roller coaster just understand the bumps get smaller and less and less over time...you just have to hang on.

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    Why didn't it last? It seems that many getting divorced feel they were betrayed, that the marriage was supposed to last forever and it did not.

All of the fairy tales. back then..they were married and rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after.

That's right, they were just that, fairy tales... and when most of them were written their life expectancy was under 30 years. So forever was not all that long.

Now lets further discuss the forever thing" that comes in the marriage vow......Most had a bringing up with the fairy tales "that they lived happily ever after'....and the marriage vow written during the short "forever" era, was just one of the ways the expectancy became ingrained. That if it was not forever it was not any good.

If a marriage did not last forever it was assumed a betrayal of the marriage vows that said, "forever".

The fairy tales never said they lived happily for two years and then she ran off with the washing machine repairman....which was reality.

Not getting into the whole thing....you seeing all these other married couples that are still together, but many are still together that should be a part because the relationship has died.

The fact they are still together is misleading you into thinking they are all happily together. Dr. Ferson in San Francisco had his graduate students interview hundreds of couples who had made it to the 50 year anniversary.....as I recall, hoping to find the key to what made relationships last.

Turned out the couples were not what they appeared to be... something like 80% of them actually to a degree, hated each other and the interviewers were in shock.

So the happy couple you are envious about as the "still married" you are looking at as comparison are not necessarily really a happy relationship as you think it is...

They just have not had the guts to come a part, it appears.

One of the recent statistics I have recently seen, said the interviewers when one spouse interviewed said they were happily married, 27% had a spouse that said they were unhappily married...so these are probably next years divorces...

aha....you do not deal with death....one or the other is going to have to deal with that...some several times...the guy across the street from where I reside is on his third wife....the other two died on him...

So whether he believed relationship are forever or not....he does realize they are all temporary now...

Biggest evidence that all relationships are temporary is looking back...how many relationships have you had so far?

Think clear back to high school, Up till now have you had any permanent ones?

Did you try hard to make them last? What about the other person....? Did you both succeed?

What makes you think future relationships will be different? The error I am trying to get people to correct is erroneous programming belief that relationships are forever and they are therefore needlessly greatly disappointed and crushed when they do not live up to that erroneous expectation, no matter how many times it happens they still cling to it....

They like to hang on to the fairy tale....they do not like to hear or deal with reality as I spelled it out for them..

So whenever I did the "all relationships are temporary thing" in my classes I always had some very upset people. They just did not want to hear that.

Once you get that reality thru your head, however, you are not wiped out when a relationship ends.

All relationships are great while they last, sure, but you have a "demand" that they last forever or they were not any good.

Thinking back you graduated from high school, it was great while it lasted, but it ended. You maybe tried to extend it but there was no way. So you accepted it was over.

Here...One of you likely "graduated" (outgrew) the relationship.

One of the high-test suicide rates is the day when people graduate from college. They now had this great new life ahead of them but it was unknown. What they had previously was known and comfortable and they did not want it to end and it did..

That is the way with relationships. It was not perfect but it was a known quantity and comfortable.

and you have to give that up involuntarily for the unknown which is scary.

Even though what lies ahead may be far better, you are bitter you are forced to move on. How could they do this to me?

This all boils down to a thing called expectations and demands that is a concept that if you can get thru your head and accepted will change your life.

You expected and "demanded" that your marriage last forever, and it did not.

Result, your life is "ruined". You are absolutely crushed.

If your programming had been changed to I have no "demands" in life, I only have expectations, the result is entirely different.

I expect my marriage to last forever, but if it doesn't, that's okay, it was great while it lasted. How it affects you is completely changed.

If I have the "demand" that Junior gets all A's in school and he gets "B's" my day is ruined and I ruin Juniors too.

The changing your demands to expectations concept as I said will change your life and those around you. It probably takes a book to get this change made and maybe not even then.

At least you are now aware of it and it is a "life change" option that now would be a great time to put into practice to where it becomes an automatic part of your life.

The formula: ....... you give up on having "demands"...

So from here on in your new life (the one where you are completely in charge for the first time) from here on you have only "expectations", you have given up on "demands."

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PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

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If you have a friend going thru divorce please e-mail this issue to them.

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Join others in the divorce process in our chat board, post room "Talk It Out Therapy" is open 24/7. Use as needed. No appointment necessary, No waiting, No cost. http://www.singlestalkshop.com

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Divorce Recovery Newsletter #65, 12/13/05

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Happy holidays, especially to all of you that are still affected by your divorce and to those of you of who have just realized that the part of your life that is considered "what was" is over. That it is already time to get started with a new and better life and are now concentrating on the "gonna bes." That was a tongue twister, and we have tried to help along the way.

To stay in the Christmas spirit, here is our annual Christmas story, Go here

Been a little difficult to keep up, with my usual businesses and publishing as well as web sites, you need to know I am now 77, (not an excuse) and was diagnosed with Diabetes about eight months ago.

Diabetes cut my life expectancy in half, and I was not and am still not ready for that, I have a lot of work to do yet.

Since I have always been a "problem solver" (Divorce was a big problem (2) for me as you know) I set out to research and find a solution to what the Doctors tell you is incurable and all you can do is postpone (delay a little) the complications such as blindness, loss of feet and hands, kidneys, from nerve damage everywhere etc and that 80% die prematurely of circulatory and heart related illness.

Took me over 7 months, over 40 books, perussing hundreds of medical studies on Diabetes and neuropathy, (I have neuropathy as a result of the diabetes) (foot problems) (almost cured it however).

In my mind (my view) I have solved on how I should handle Diabetes and neuropathy to get back to where I was. I am now off all medication and well on the way to being out of it... (Lost 46 pounds to date)

You may have diabetes, have a friend who has diabetes (type 2) or someone who is obese and is in danger of becoming a diabetic. I have worked out that diabetes and obesity are twin symptoms (not the real disease) (just dual symptoms of the real cause) and are caused, reversed. cured and prevented by understanding the cause and doing what is necessary to stop it.

Here is the web address http://diabetescure101.com You may want to subscribe to the newspaper version, (we need subscribers). Be sure and read the article The real cause, and remember that the web site is not finished yet. There are some unwritten pages but will get to them soon as I can.

This well may sound like a diabetes newsletter but believe me I still write a divorce newsletter and still consider it very important.

Want you to know that I have not forgotten you and am merely trying to work to fix my diabetes (medical community will not) so that I might be able to stay around longer to do another ten years worth.

Once again, all the best to you for the Holidays and in your new life and in the New Year.

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Here is a news release I received just before press time so I pass it on to you.

Research studies on separating, divorcing or divorced families. Are you dealing with divorce or separation? Are you a parent with a child or children under 18? Inflexxion, Inc is looking for participants for studies researching how families adjust to divorce and separation. The studies are funded by the National Institutes of Health and can be completed from your home. Each family could earn between $160 to $195 for 4 - 6 hours of time. See our website at http://www.divorcestudies.com Contact us at 1-800-848-3895 X290 or email divorce@inflexxion.com

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Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
605 376-4125 Cell phone

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Divorce Recovery Newsletter #64, 11/06/05

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When Does It Get Better?

For those currently in the "shock" stage, "is this really happening to me" start of the process, it seems at the time that it will always be like this. There is sort of a time distortion that makes it seem like it is taking forever and will never get better.

Some writers on the subject come up with a long list of stages you go thru. The only problem I see with that is we do not all go thru them in the same order.

Most who have gone thru the painful process and are now on the other side of the pain often do not want to even talk about it. It was a bad part of their life and they would just as soon forget that it ever happened and nearly wiped them out.

They are now past all that and do not want to even be reminded of it.

Just be assured you are not alone. No matter how intelligent you are, how many degrees you have, how powerful you are in the business or political world, divorce is going to hit you just as hard.

At the time you are going thru it you often honestly believe you have been going thru he worlds most difficult divorce.

We all have our story about how bad our divorce was but here are two examples that I recall from my classes. there were many but these two I happen to remember.

One had tried everything to save the marriage and had finally gotten the spouse to go to a marriage counselor. Shortly thereafter it was discovered the spouse was now making out with the marriage counselor.

Another story that stood out was an unsuspecting husband who lived in a trailer home in a nice trailer park. He kissed his wife goodbye and said goodbye at the door to his kids and rode off on the motorcycle to work so she could use the car.

Returning home that night he found the wife and kids gone, the car gone, the trailer home gone, (been moved) and a note pinned to the slab that says, John, I have decided to leave you, will be filing for divorce. It is not working out. Will contact you about where to pick up your stuff later.

This is an example of what I would call the "divorce shock" stage.

Apparently she did not want to go thru a big 'splitting' up scene so she took the easy way out.

Hardly ever does the leavor "leave right". Apparently they often do what is less painful for them but leaves the leavee in shambles.

Sure they feel guilty about it but just are not knowledgeable about how to end a relationship with the least amount of pain for both.

Once they have decided to leave, they have a problem in that you (they believe) are not going to accept it and are going to be a constant never ending hassle to try to keep them from ending the relationship.

If they leave the way they did they feel you will be forced to accept and admit even to yourself that it is over and realize it is truly over and get on with life. and....not make their life miserable for months trying to put it back together.

So maybe they did you a favor. Instead of cutting off the dogs tail a little bit at a time so it "does not hurt so much" they used a meat cleaver and it is over.

Sure, I know no matter how they leave, it is tough to handle. Even if you applauded when they left, it is still hard to handle. You still go thru many of the stages and it is going to affect you for some time.

Do not think the leavor got thru this without the pain. Their advantage is they had decided to leave long ago and have had months to get used to the idea and work thru much of this 'processing the concept" before they left.

Many ask how come my ex is getting on with life so soon and so much better in adjusting then I am. That is the answer.

They are six months along in their parting adjustment. You are still in "surprise" shock.

Six months from now, you will be where in the adjustment phase they are now..

Where Do You Go From Here?

We talk about how to make lemonade when life gives you lemons, there are road maps and recipes in our divorce site http://divorcerecovery101.com

You can even read thru past newsletter issues that may be a better fit for where you are right now in the process. Go here: http://divorcerecovery101.com/divorce_newsletter_archive.html

It really helps you to work thru the process to be able to talk about your divorce with and to others, what you are experiencing. Go to: http://singlestalkshop.com

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Divorce Recovery Newsletter #63, 9/23/05

              Fish Out of Water????
After being married for several years it is perfectly normal for you to feel very uncomfortable living life as a suddenly "single person", and indeed you very well may feel like a fish out of water.

If is also perfectly normal for you to "hate" and try to avoid as much as possible anything you are not familiar with.

You try everything in the book to get back to the familiar comfort of the known life, including an all out search for a replacement. (spouse that is)

Life as a married person was what we call on "automatic". You just went about your familiar life without really having to think about it. Everything just sort of came down the road in a familiar pattern and just sort of "flowed", (disregarding the coming apart turmoil there towards the last)

Becoming suddenly single and being all on your own is scary, can you survive?

We tell you that this becoming suddenly single is a lot like being dumped off in some foreign country and being told, "get used to it," you are likely going to live here for years and maybe even the rest of your life.

You do not know any natives, you do not know the customs or what is expected of you to get along here. You do not even know the language, (jargon) of living in single land.

Your old long term life married as we said was automatic. We use this term for anything or activity your subconscious has taken over running. Our examples are learning and driving a car, and things like learning to play a piano to any degree. A real hassle getting it all down and done right, with over and over repetition, it is not very long before you can drive down the road, listen to the radio, read the advertising signs along the road and talk to a friend all at the same time.

This is because the driving has been taken over by your subconscious and is on "automatic".

What was a strain in learning to play the piano is now fun. Now you just do it and enjoy it, you do not even have to think about it while you are playing it, . it is now on automatic.

Right now you are just on "practice" being single. the more you practice, get good feed back from a teacher, (an experienced successful single) the more successful your single life will become. and........

You will become comfortable in your new "foreign country" and may like it so well you see no need to ever hurry back to the old country.

Your new life will soon be on automatic and you can enjoy it now without that initial stress and hassle of getting on with learning how to live here and fit In...

Now to be successful and happy here you need to study a little and read up on it.. Learn what others have done to adopt and fit in, in a short time. The more information and education on the subject the happier your new life is likely to be.

Birds come in with a built in knowledge of how to build a nest. Human beings have none of this, they have to learn everything from those who came before them. Fortunately, you do not have to make all the same mistakes they made, you can learn from them.

Now you can choose to make all your own mistakes and learn the hard way...that is up to you. There are lots of good sources on how to lead a happy successful single life and we include hundreds of articles on the subject in our sites and it is all free and available to you 24 hours a day. There are a lot of good books at the library and the book store.

The main thing to understand is that when you went out for little league, you did not expect to hit a home run the first day. You have to go out and "practice" being single. Soon you get good at it. But remember to schedule a certain amount of "practice" each week.

Remember, you are not going to be good at it for a while. That it is expected to screw up and have bad days. That is part of your "practice" to learning how to become a successful single person..

When you go out in the world of other singles initially, go out with the idea that you are just practicing being single.

If someone asks you to do something you are not ready for, just say I am new to this being single and I do not think I am ready for "that yet", catch me later.

Right now you are like the practicing the scales on the piano... a real pain right now but once you get it down to "automatic" and your subconscious, takes over, then your single life now becomes like the piano lessons, you graduate to enjoying it".

Now you can give up on the desperate search for an opposite sex person to rescue you from this strange single land to take you back to the "familiar" known married life.

Now your relationship with the opposite sex is if it works and adds to your new life, is count me in. If it does not....who needs it.

This is all learned and is the subject of our dating again 101 web site. You might subscribe to that newsletter also.

Remember, everything you have done before many times feels comfortable and right". Anything new and for the first time feels a little "uncomfortable which does not mean there is anything wrong with it or should be avoided, it just means it is "new to you" and you need to go thru this stressful unfamiliar feelings and soon it will be comfortable and enjoyable familiar old stuff.

So go out where other singles are, get acquainted with others getting in practice being single, always ask them "what works for you" etc. Make notes, go some of the places they go, try some of the things they do and enjoy and just get out there and expand your 'comfort zone."

Do not expect to be good at it, just keep practicing...soon you will be good at it and have success and a happy new life with a whole support system of a new single "family" and friends.

Learn to make decisions on your own and as a happy successful single person take full responsibility for where your life is going by having sat down and figured out what would I like to have happen here in Act Two...with you being the director for the first time...

This time your parents are not planning your life, your spouse is not deciding what you do or what direction you go....you do...

One year from now.....if your new life is not working you wont be able to blame your parents, You wont be able to blame your spouse... Only you.....

Are you a grown up mature person now able to run your own life?

A year from now...you also get all the credit for all the wonderful new changes you have made in your life.

Lets get right to work on the "gonna bes".

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Chat with other singles going thru the process, at our http://www.singlestalkshop.com Ask them what works. Share what works for you. Open 24 hours a day, no charge, no signing up or no other requirements. Just be there.

Until next issue,
Harlan

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