CommitmentWill they or wont theyHarlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2004 |
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One of the reasons people wont commit in my opinion is that there are various emotional reasons such as prior bad experiences etc. that each would be different, (will not get into those here) so my observation is that in general their reasons not to commit are greater then the reasons to commit to an exclusive relationship. They really like you, do not want to lose you, but want to be available and keep checking other possibilities, that they may be able to trade up to an even better lover, and if committed to you they fear they may miss that possibility. Be aware, there is a category of people called a commitmentphobe. You may be involved with one. Here is a good excerpt from a book on the subject, go here Remember, in general, some are turned on by the novelty of "new". "Same old" may become boring. However, if they find there is a possibility of losing you, they may consider, maybe life would be much easier to get out of the "new" hassle and this is too good to lose. You may want to become lower maintenance and work on greater benefits in being in a relationship with you. Make your relationship closer to an ideal relationship then it is now. Ask them what they see in the future for the two of you. You will need to be able to tell them what you want for your life, and why you want commitment. If they commit to you.....they have decided this is as good as it gets. When they are absolutely convinced this is good as it gets, and am tired of this "all the other" hassle they commit. If they are unduly coerced to commit to you and they discover that doing so has caused them to miss some other great possibilities to trade up, they are unhappy in the relationship with you, sort of feeling they have been cheated. Or they cheat, or end the relationship totally to get back into checking out other possibilities that are arising. So somehow coercing them (when they are not yet convinced this is as good as it gets) into a committed relationship may not necessarily get you a desired long term happy relationship. In the meantime, if you have been waiting around for them to commit, you are frozen in time and lots of good committable prospects are going on down the road and you have missed once in a lifetime opportunities. To do the right thing for your best interests you may have to draw the line. Here is an article on going steady that includes a concept called "primary relationship" which is hard to pull off getting both on the same wave length, but is sort of a half way between an exclusive and casual dating, click here. Some set a definite deadline, to be in a committed relationship, or get out completely. Found this paragraph at the end of a three part series on commitment.......
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